do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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