i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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