She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
