Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
