She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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