I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you made out with another girl for some wings
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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