You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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