yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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