My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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