Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
