if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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