i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
