She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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