Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize