We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
