His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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