I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
