i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
