FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
And then he peed in my hair
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