coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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