I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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