My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
