even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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