Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
we're so committed to being not committed
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
