Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
