what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
