Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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