I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
