it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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