i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
