is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
