My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
