Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
