Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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