do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
