Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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