Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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