i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
