So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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