i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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