We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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