I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
