No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Randomize
