I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
