His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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