My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
