if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
