Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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