You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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