You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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