Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
