In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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