I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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