So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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