I hate your face
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
