i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
