non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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