3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
