Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
