so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
