another moral hangover. fuck.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
