I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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