There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
