What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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