Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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