We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
