what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
